Green Valley Inn, outside of San Ignacio, 638C+8H Unitedville‎, Belize

Tucked away outside San Ignacio, Green Valley Inn was our rainforest home base—complete with friendly hosts, hammocks, and yappy dogs. Marcela and Eva cooked us hearty meals (though choice was limited), and we stayed in a charming bungalow with a private porch, outdoor shower, and hard pillows. While the treehouses sounded cool, they were more “hot and cramped,” so bungalow for the win!

Rob found the hammocks. This is located in the center of the property, beside the pool - it was also where we had the family BBQ.

Hammocks were comfortable, pool was ice cold, and uncomfortable muskoka chairs. 

Highlights included a family BBQ where we smoked Chilean cigarettes, played UNO, and swapped stories with Marcela’s colorful crew, including her “RBF” daughter-in-law from Germany. Let’s not forget the neighbor chef who treated overcooking as an art form.

Our tour of the ATM Caves (Actun Tunichil Muknal) was equal parts adventure and history lesson. After bouncing down rough roads in a rickety van, we hiked through rivers, swam into the cave, and navigated tight squeezes. Inside, we saw ancient Mayan artifacts, including the famous Crystal Maiden—a calcified skeleton sparkling creepily in the dim light. Our guide, Ben, kept it brief, which Rob loved but left Kim craving more.

"The Crystal Maiden", the skeleton of what is believed to be a 17-year-old boy, possibly a sacrifice victim, whose bones have been calcified to a sparkling, crystallized appearance. It was much creepier in person.

That night Marcella invited us to join her family for a BBQ, as they were not offering a dinner. We met her extended family and watched her neighbour overcook a variety of meats in a tiny BBQ over several hours.

We learned about Marcella; her partner Peter who helped her build the Inn before tragically dying right before they were to get married; her "daughter" and right-hand Eva, and her 5-year retirement plan. Her son & daughter-in-law from Germany were there (she with the "Ruhendes Schlampengesicht" aka resting bitch face) along with Marcella's mother, visiting from Chile.

Her Neighbours (the chef) were from Georgia (in the States) and were building their own place down the road. They are DINKS like us. We played UNO and smoked Chilean cigarettes while we waited for the BBQing to finally be done.

Caracol, Ancient Maya Ruins - South/West of San Ignacio, Belize

The Caracol Mayan Ruins were jaw-dropping. Guided by the patient Mike, we learned about Mayan life and climbed the Sky Palace (still the tallest structure in Belize). At 143 feet, the view was worth every step, though we were tempted to channel Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto along the way.

Covering an area of nearly 25,000 acres, Caracol is one of the largest Maya sites, having an immense agricultural field system and elaborate city planning. At the peak of its political power, it was estimated that almost 100,000 people populated Caracol, covering an area of approximately 38 square miles.

Kim being dwarfed by the enormous Tree of Life, where we began and ended our tour.

Yappy dogs and hard pillows = less bliss.

ATM and Caracol = must-dos, but skip Apocalypto before your trip.

Marcela’s Inn = cozy and kind, but bring a car (or patience for bumpy roads).

Next stop: Ambergris Caye for sharks, rays, and some much-needed beach time!

Adventures in the rainforest of Belize